


The Blackest Day

by Agentrogers17



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mental Instability, Protective Natasha Romanov, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 15:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: Dating Steve Rogers has ups and downs. Steve is a nearly 100 years old man trapped in a 30 year body. And he is scared little cinnamon.





	

**_Give me all, got my blue nail polish on_ **

**_It’s my favorite color and my favorite tone of song_ **

**_I don’t really wanna break up, we got it going on_ **

**_It’s what you gathered from my talk, but you were wrong_ **

  


“It’s been a while since I saw you and Steve together.” Bucky said. He was watching me with his steel blue eyes. He was cautious. Afraid to hurt me or trigger me with what he was going to say. I looked at him. He always had that cool, careful air around him. Comfy clothes, long dark hair in a man bun, dedication in his bright blue eyes. Right now he was curious and I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to fix whatever was left between me and Steve. Two closest people to him. 

“We are having a rough time.” I said. It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t the total truth. It was something in between. Innocent enough to believe but too short to be enough.

“And by not talking, not even breathing the same air is your way to get over that rough time?”

“Buck… I don’t know what went wrong, where.”

“You two have to talk.”

“I don’t think there is anything left to talk about. And Steve is not a fan of talking with me anyway.”

  


**_It’s not wasy for me to talk about_ **

**_A half life in lost dreams_ **

**_And not simple, it’s trigonometry_ **

**_It’s hard to express_ **

**_I can’t explain_ **

  


“How was DC?” Wanda asked as I got out the jet. She looked troubled and I knew the reason. (Y/n) and I were not talking for a very long time. I was always making excuses to be out of the city and she… She went back to being quiet and depressed. I hated to see her like this but… We both had destroyed the happiness we had and now… Now we were in the ruins of ourselves. 

“Full of meetings.” I answered shortly. 

“Captain, I know it is personal. You and (Y/n). But… She is my close friend and since this all started… I don’t know who she is anymore. Barely eats, barely talks… I know you must be hurting too but there must be something that we can do.”

“It is complicated Wanda.”

“But not impossible to solve. Every problem has a solution you told me that. Please Captain. We should try, at least.”

“I am not sure Wanda.”

  


**_Ever since my baby went away_ **

**_It’s been the blackest day, it’s been the blackest day_ **

**_All I hear is Billie Holiday_ **

**_It’s all that I play_ **

**_It’s all that I play_ **

  


Dinner together was a pure torture. I was playing with my food, watching my plate. Wanda was right next to me and Bucky was watching me with sadness in his eyes. I just couldn’t lift my eyes and look at Steve. “Darling you barely ate.” Natasha said with a soft tone. I felt worried eyes on me. But I knew one pair belonged to Steve so I kept looking in front of me.

“I… I feel a bit dizzy. I think… I’ll go.” I said getting up hurriedly. Not caring where I went or who called after me. Not caring the tears falling down my eyes. I locked my door as soon as I entered my room. Because I knew someone would come after me.

“JARVIS, keep everyone outside. I want to stay alone for a while.”

“Yes, Miss.”

“Thanks.”

  


**_Because I am going deeper and deeper_ **

**_Harder and harder_ **

**_Getting darker and darker_ **

**_Looking for love_ **

  


“Hello Captain.” one of the new trainies said. She was a tall brunette with wide hips. She had danger written all over her face.

“Hello Agent…”

“Carlson.” she purred leaning to me. 

“How can I help you Agent Carlson?”

“First of all, you could call me Diana. And then maybe we could go and get some coffee together. I haven’t seen you with your girlfriend for a long time. Is she okay?”

“She is. But I don’t think she is mine anymore.”

“Oh. You looked so cute together. What happened?”

“It is a long story. And has a lot of questions without answers.”

“I have time. Maybe we could search for answers together with that coffee?”

  


**_In all the wrong places_ **

**_Oh my God_ **

**_In all the wrong places_ **

**_Oh my God_ **

  


“What the hell are you doing Rogers!” Bucky said opening my door with such a force that I couldn’t believe the door still was on its place. 

“I could ask you the same question Buck!”

“How dare you do this to her!”

“What have I done to whom?”

“(Y/n) damn it! (Y/n)! You hurt her so bad. You hurt her and then find yourself a brand new girl! Not even finishing your relatipnship with (Y/n)? What kind of man are you damn it?”

“(Y/n) and I are over! It’s been months!”

“You never ended it! You wounded her and left her to bleed! She still is depressed, she still is hurting while you and your new slut are kissing around. When was the last time you saw (Y/n) huh? Let me help you. Months ago! You know why? She is not getting out of her room. She has a major depression. Because of you!”

“She will get over it.”

“Oh it is so easy for you to say. Isn’t it? She is not eating, she is not sleeping, she is not talking! She isolated herself. She is harming herself. She became anorexic. And look at you! So happy with your life! You are living your best days while I am watching the girl you ruined killing herself day by day! How can you be this much of an idiot! How can you not care about her like this?”

  


**_Carry me home got my new car and my gun_ **

**_Wind in my hair, holding you hand, listen to a song_ **

**_Carry me home, don’t wanna talk about the things to come_ **

**_Just put your hand up in the air, the radio on_ **

  


Some sad sad song was playing on the background. My head was hurting so bad that I couldn’t even understand what were the lyrics. My vision was blurry and hands were shaking. I had no idea what was going on but the darkness covering my mind was making me feel comfortable. I closed my eyes, not scared of losing it all, not scared of falling apart one more time. I heard someone banging on my door but the sound was getting farther and farther away so I didn’t even bother.

I heard someone call my name. I felt someone grab my shoulders and shake me. Probably trying to wake me up. I felt someone lifting me in their arms. I felt a lot of peoplw screaming. Questions, my name, telling to be faster… I felt someone laying me on a cold matress and someone opening my eye with their warm fingers. Then a bright light but. It was still blurry. I was still fading. Maybe this was for the best.

***

“What happened to her Banner?” I asked. Watching the girl I saw as my sister sleeping on a lab bed. She was at least 30 pounds lighter and all the colour she had had vanished leaving a sick yellow behind. 

“I am not sure. She fainted because of the lack of calories but.... It is not just that. I think depression has harmed her nerves and muscles. A mental illness became a physical one.”

“Can you fix her?”

“She needs to get rid of the depression first. Without it nothing will change.”

“Maybe some depression meds?”

“No. Her metabolism is not strong enough.”

***

One moment I was talking with Diana and then suddanly Natasha was on me and was punching me. Hard.

“What. The… Fuck… Romanoff!” I said between the punches. 

“You! You fucker!” she said punching my jaw. 

“What!” I shouted.

“You did this to her! You did this!”

“What? Whom?” I said as Clint and Tony pulled her off me.

“(Y/n) is in medbay. She is not okay.” Tony said shortly. I felt something rip off from my chest.

“What happened to her?”

  


**_‘Cause there is nothing for us to talk about,_ **

**_Like future and those things_ **

**_‘Cause there is nothing for me to think about_ **

**_Now that he’s gone, I can’t feel nothing_ **

  


I watched her smaller now body motionless laying on the mattress. Her cheeks hollower, her arms slimmer her face paler. She still had that beaty but she was weaker. She was… She was hurt and it was all because of me.

“When did this happen?” I asked Banner. Bucky was sitting next to her feet. Eyes on the floor. I knew he hated me right now.

“This morning. Bucky found her. She probably hasn’t ate anything for a while and she has major depression.”

“Will she be okay?”

“She slipped into coma. Her brain is trying to save itself but… When problem is mental everything is harder. She needs some time. I am not sure if time will help this time but that is all we can do.”

“Dr. Banner…”

“Get out of here Rogers.” Bucky said eys fixed on me sternly. “Get the fuck out.”

“Buck…”

“Don’t act like you care damn it. She is here because of you. She is in coma because of you. You have no right to be here right now.”

“I am sorry.”

“Go tell how sorry you are to your new girlfriend. I don’t give a fuck. None of us do.” he said.

“I love her.”

“You loved her. Then you started torture her.

  


**_Ever since my baby went away_ **

**_It’s been the blackest day, it’s been the blackest day_ **

**_All I hear is Billie Holiday_ **

**_It’s all thay I play_ **

**_It’s all that I play_ **

  


“I need to talk to her.” I said to Tony.

“I am sorry Oldman but even if I’ll let you Frosty and Mother Russia are hating you right now. So no, you can’t.”

“I need to apologyse.”

“You had enough time, you never did so… No.”

“Tony she is in a coma. Let me try to talk to her. Maybe I could help.”

“Maybe you’d make it worse. Where is Diana anyway?”

“I told her that all we had was a mistake. I told her to leave.”

“And you couldn’t tell it before (Y/n) nearly died because?”

“Because I am a selfish idiot.”

“It’s always good when person is aware of himself.”

“Tony…”

“Talk with Bucky. Maybe he will let you.”

“He won’t.”

“You won’t die trying right?” he said leaving me alone in the common room.

  


**_Because I am going deeper and deeper_ **

**_Harder and harder_ **

**_Getting darker and darker_ **

**_Looking for love_ **

**_In all the wrong places_ **

**_Oh my God_ **

**_In all the wrong places_ **

**_Oh my God_ **

  


“What were you thinking when you started all that shit Captain? That is what I can not understand.” Wanda said. One of the few who still were talking to me without punching.

“I don’t know. We had problems and I think I thought I didn’t want to solve them. I wanted them to go away and they were not. So I ran away.”

“Have you ever thought about (Y/n)? While you were doing that?”

“No. I was avoiding that topic. It only was hurting so…”

“You choose the easier one.”

“Exactly.”

“It still is your mistake Steve and you have to tell her how sorry you are. And how much you love her. Because I know you still are in love with her. You were scared for a while but you love her.”

“I do.”

“You should tell her. If she will wake up of course. You have to tell her.”

“You don’t think she will wake up?”

“I hope she will but… I looked into her brain and… It is dark in there. She has painted herself all in black and darkness. She is sad. Too sad.”

“Because of me?”

‘Because of everything that happened.”

  


**_You should’ve known better_ **

**_That to have to let her_ **

**_Get you under her spell of the weather_ **

**_I got you where I want you_ **

**_You did it, I never_ **

**_I’m falling for forever_ **

**_I’m dying again since_ **

**_I got you where I want you_ **

**_I got you, I got you_ **

**_I got you where I want you now_ **

  


It took a while to find her room without anyone. But when I did, I entered and looked at the sleeping girl who was the greatest love of my life.

“Hello darling.” I said sitting next to her. I took her little hand into mine. Her slim cold fingers hugging my thicker and warmer fingers. I kissed her wrist and looked at her calm face.

“I know I’ve been an idiot these last months. I know I hurt you a lot and you have no idea how sorry I am. It is just. I think I started to feel too addicted to you and. You know me darling. I’ve lost everyone I had. I lost Peggy, I lost Bucky, everyone. Yeah, that jerk came back after a while but… I was so used to being alone and losing my people… And you were so beautiful so unique. I noticed it first when I saw you making us coffe one morning. You had that soft hair of yours in a messy bun and you were wearing one of my shirts with your knee high cotton socks. I looked at you and I noticed how much I love you. How I can not live without you and I realised how dangerous it was. I was addicted to you and if I’d lose you then I would never be able to pull myself together again. So I ran away sweetheart. I ran away from you as far as I could. And… For a while it was good. But then I started missing you. You know… And then I met Diana. I never loved her, really. I didn’t even liked her you know. But she was a distraction. She was a reason to not crawl back to you. To my weakness, to my goddess. But all this time one thing never changed. That burning desire i felt whenever you, my best girl, were around. I know I did a lot of bad things and you have no reason to forgave me. Hell. Look at what I’ve done to you. But I need you to know. I love you. I love you very much.”

  


**_I don’t really wanna break up, we got it going on_ **

**_It’s what you gathered from my talk, but you were wrong_ **

  


*5 weeks later*

“Good morning.” I said cupping her face with my hand and kissed her soft lips. She smiled into the kiss and put her arms around my neck to press her soft body against mine.

“Morning handsome.” she said.

“Would you like to visit the coffee shop at the corner? I heard today they’ll bake those chocolate muffins you love so much.”

“Hmm. Is that a date Captain?”

“You know it is.”

“I’ll change and we can go?”

“Okay.”

“I just need 10 minutes. Love you.” she said running to her room.

“Love you too (Y/n). I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Please leave kudos, comments and requests.


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